Steve Grunwell

Open-source contributor, speaker, and electronics tinkerer

Avoiding Swearing for Men’s Health

Sadly, I’m not participating in Movember this year. It’s for rather selfish reasons, admittedly (I’m speaking at php[world] in Washington, D.C. this week, which is the largest speaking engagement of my career, and I’d prefer not to be mid-‘stache during the conference), but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to be involved with Movember. As I won’t be shaving off the beard for some mustache fun this month, I’d like to propose this alternative:

I love swearing, but a presentation isn’t the time or place to be dropping F-bombs or exclaiming “oh, shit.” I’m usually pretty good about reeling it in, but once in awhile a “bad word” will slip out. To discourage this un-professional behavior, I’m going to penalize myself monetarily if I swear during my two php[world] presentations.

For every instance of George Carlin’s “Seven Dirty Words You Can’t Say on Television” I use during my php[world] presentations, I’ll donate $10 to someone’s Movember campaign. For my own sake, I hope I won’t use any of them (fortunately a couple of those aren’t really a part of my vernacular), but I’ll set a minimum donation of $20 per talk, even if I’m on my best “Easter Sunday at Grandma and Grandpa’s House” linguistic behavior.

The first two php[world] attendees who are also Movember participants to contact me with their MoSpace URLs will be the recipients of (at least) $20 to their Movember campaigns.

A couple guidelines:

  • Open to both men and women with valid 2014 MoSpace accounts who are also attending php[world] 2014. While I’d hope you’d attend my talks, that’s by no means a requirement as long as you’re at the conference
  • Only swears used during the presentation (11:30am – 12:30pm on the 12th and 10am – 11am on the 13th) are eligible.
  • Only Carlin’s “Seven Dirty Words” are eligible (“shit” and “fuck” are the most common offenders)
  • The $20 figure is a minimum donation, meaning you’ll get $20 whether I don’t swear, swear just once, or swear twice. If I swear three times, the donation goes up to $30, four to $40, etc.
  • My goal is to not swear during presentations, so please don’t try to provoke me. Even if I don’t swear, you’ll still get $20 towards your Movember campaign
  • Donations will be made via credit card through your MoSpace page.

Wish me luck!


Goodbye, Buckeye.


Reflections on php[world] 2014

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